“Oh God. It’s worse than ever. This is beyond obvious.”
I injured my fingernails several years back. Doesn’t affect me much, except they look a little weird and I’m self-conscious about it.
I’ve wanted long, elegant nails for as long as I can remember. But mine peeled and tore, and I bit them for years. I tried the fussy DIY fakes, supplements, strengthening polish, every kit I could find, but I was never happy with the outcome. Eventually I made peace with short, painted, maybe-a-little-glittery nails and moved on.
So I was both stunned and thrilled when, for the first time ever, they started growing out long and strong (thanks, collagen!). I took my nails seriously: bought gels, learned to do a real manicure, amassed a whole collection of colors and glitter and assorted nail paraphernalia. I loved it the same way I love my blue hair — colorful, pretty, and a little hit of happy every time I noticed.
So when I started getting pain and irritation with my manicures, I didn’t want to accept the implications. Maybe the foundation had gotten contaminated. Maybe I got too much topcoat on the sides of my fingers before curing. Maybe I just needed more time between manicures. I could find endless ways to rationalize why I didn’t need to stop.
Until the last time I tried to negotiate my way into what I wanted. The reaction was much worse than ever. I finally accepted it, took off the gel polish, and weeks later my fingers are still healing. I can use regular polish, so I do. But not gonna lie: it still makes me a little sad.
Hard-headed as I am, I couldn’t avoid the message any longer. And I suspect that’s right where a lot of us are.
Have you gotten your message yet?
In the Cards
Thor the Warrior Kitten overlooks my draw from the well-worn Legacy of the Divine deck.
Outlook is the Page of Pentacles (Coins)
We’ve got the memo! The clue-train has pulled into the station. Maybe your message is about something relatively minor like my nail polish journey of self-delusion, or maybe it’s bigger. The size of the issue is less relevant than the clarity here.
But it’s important to remember the role of Tarot Pages: they aren’t only messengers. They are also seeds, potential that is being planted as we speak. It can be potential for something you want–or something you don’t. The job is to distinguish between the two.
So what does this mean in practical terms? And what are we going to do with the information we got?
Advice: Six of Pentacles (Coins) Rx
The Six of Pentacles is about the balance between giving and receiving — which way do the scales tip? Reversed, the balance has tipped: the exchange is no longer fair.
Is what you’re giving reasonable, given what it costs you? And is it sustainable?
My tradeoff for more self-confidence–the time and energy of giving myself fancy manicures–was reasonable until the price got hiked. Sometimes circumstances change. And if you refuse to reassess, it’s going to cost you.
Taken Together
My nails aren’t the biggest way this message hits me. They’re just the example that doesn’t leave me feeling naked (you know, like bare nails).
Truth is, I have a few people in my life who contribute nothing but pain. No reciprocity. No respect. No acknowledgement of how poorly they’ve treated me. And still, let ANY sorry scrap of warmth show up, no matter how self-serving, and there I am, fully in, ready for THIS time to be different.
Why? Same reason I didn’t want to toss aside the gels, I guess. I’ve become invested. It felt meaningful once. I’ve allowed myself to generate a million and one excuses for why they act the way they do. That’s the sunk cost talking, and it’s a hell of a liar.
I usually thought of myself as “being the bigger person.” It took me way too long to figure out that “being the bigger person” often means offering someone a get-out-of-abusive-behavior-free card. Especially if it’s a practice and not a one-off event.
So I’ll say to you what I’m saying in the mirror: stop denying what’s right in front of you. Quit feeding your own pain with the hope that this time will be different, if you just approach it right. It won’t.
You can’t change what anyone else does. You can’t change what you’ve become allergic to. But you can change your own choices. Make a different choice.
Your Turn
What message has finally hit home for you? And what pain are you ready to stop paying for?
Be well out there friends; I hope you join me in being mindful of how we are investing our energy. Because we are worth it.
Peace out. ~Dix
