I’m tired of being afraid.
I spent a good week carefully avoiding that spam folder on my phone where the messages from blocked callers go.
“I just don’t want to deal with it now,” I said to myself.
But ‘dealing with it’ wasn’t the actual item on my mental to-do list. It was feeling it. I didn’t want to feel that old, familiar guilt and self-doubt, the gaslighting residue you get when failing to please someone’s demands makes you question whether you’re the broken one.
That was the question I was afraid of: is there something wrong with me? Not the message I could (and would) have ignored.
And I think it’s the same for anybody making a rough transition, even after they’ve done the hard part. Fear doesn’t just dissipate on demand. It stays raw for a while.
Maybe your nemesis isn’t a spam folder on your phone. Maybe yours is an email you don’t want to open, or a conversation you don’t want to have. Maybe they are all essentially the same thing in different dresses: a question you’re afraid to ask because you aren’t sure you want to know the answer.
That’s the energy I’m feeling this week, and the cards are right there with me.
Coming Up in the Cards
Current energetic weather, delightfully illustrated by the Meow’s Tarot.
Outlook: Six of Swords
The Six of Swords is a trip with baggage. Those swords are sharp, and they can still cut you. There’s always a fatigue to this card for me. This week I finally noticed one of the reasons why: sometimes you’re just tired of being afraid.
When the pain of staying where you are becomes greater than the pain of hopping on that boat, we hop on the boat. Because here’s the part those Pollyanna woo types always want to skip past (intentionally not looking in the mirror here): fresh starts are never free.
And often we cash in that fresh-start chip when we NEED one, not necessarily when we want one. Doesn’t make it any less valuable. But it helps to be aware.
It doesn’t mean everything is suddenly easy. It just means you’re headed toward more of the ‘easy.’
Advice: Ten of Cups
As advice, the Ten of Cups is not ambiguous: look for the love. Yes, you’ve dealt with some pretty hard things. And yes, you may still be beat up from whatever brought you to this point. But this card is urging us to consider our saving grace: we don’t have to do this in isolation.
I can’t tell you who your ‘real family’ is. Mine isn’t all about the people who share my blood. Family doesn’t have to mean a partner, either. It’s more about feeling than anything else. Maybe family is about the pal who always answers the phone. Maybe it’s that cat who purrs like a freight train when you scratch under his chin, the folks on your favorite online hangout or even old reruns you turn on in the background because the characters are comforting and familiar.
Personally? I checked the damn folder. And I talked about how it all felt (and why it took me a week to face up to it) with a man who loves me very much, until I felt better.
But your family vibe doesn’t have to come from a very-Virgo husband. However you get to that feeling matters far less than leaning into it. So lean!
Your Turn
What fears are you tired of, and how might you soothe them? And who can you call on en route to your fresh start?
Take care, friends. I’m rooting for you. We’ve totally got this. Even if only because we’re not going to stop until we get there.
May your voyage be full of love, wherever you can find it.
♥ ~Dix
