September 23

09/23/11: Lessons of Motherhood | Six of Cups



“Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.” –Cathy Guisewite

It’s becoming apparent to me, I’m in one  of those infamous “transitional phases.” Damn it to Hell, anyway!  I’d prefer to teleport directly to the destination, thank you very much. That’s exactly what I tell myself.

And then I think, “Yeah. Good luck with that, Dixie.”

Today’s Tarot is “Memories of Love,” better known as the Six of Cups or Lord of Pleasure, associated with Sun in Scorpio. We saw the Osho Zen take on this card rather recently.

This version from the Psychic Tarot Oracle drives me a little bit insane; there are only four candles pictures instead of six, and the green borders i for Tarot Cups (ostensibly to correspond with the Heart Chakra) always makes me think of Pentacles.  Cups are supposed to be Water Element blue, damnit! But that’s not the point. It does capture the general mood of fond remembrance.

The Six of Cups is all about nostalgia, trust, and innocence. It hearkens back to a simpler time, without those complications that seem to collect in our lives. It resonates with me as I take stock of my relationship with motherhood.

As a young woman, I had no interest in becoming a mother.  “Children aren’t any good until they’re old enough to threaten!” was my oft-repeated, half-serious quip. But I found myself in love with a man who had children—young, very much in need of mothering. I vowed to do my best to be the mom they didn’t have. I became pregnant myself, and the course was irrevocably laid in. I had no clue what I was signing on for, but once I committed, that was it. Some jobs you just don’t half-ass.

Loss of innocence is a recurring theme, but the innocence lost was mine! I learned you cannot assume that “everything will work out okay,” although you can often help support positive outcomes. I learned you cannot save your children from pain, and even if you could, you probably shouldn’t. I learned children don’t become just whom you raise them to be; much more so, they become whom they choose to be. This fact is simultaneously reassuring and terrifying.

Therein lies the crux. With my “children” no longer children, the limitations of a mother’s role have become apparent. At a time when I’ve started channeling maternal energy other ways, I don’t see revelations as irrelevant coincidence. It’s training. Seeing a need is not the same as obligation to answer it. Encouragement and perspective are often more valuable than solutions.

Giving purely, with love, IS absolutely enough. Because it has to be. The rest doesn’t belong to me. But I’ll be cheering the loudest, anyway.

What lessons have you found in motherhood?

The Psychic Tarot Oracle Cards: a 65-Card Deck, plus booklet!
by John Holland

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Mothering, Psychic Tarot Oracle, Six of Cups, Sun in Scorpio

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  1. Wow, Dixie!!!

    This card is SO DEAD ON for me this morning, even tho I don’t have kids! I’ve got an elderly aunt (who is telling me she’s talked to Animal Control, and they don’t care if she brings in more cats – ACK!) and my senior folks with my mother absolutely combusting because she’s getting hammered with all kinds of stuff.

    I am SO giving thanks for the awful summer I had – it taught me to be at peace, not get “sucked in,” and to NOT volunteer. I’ll help if asked, but I’m not jumping into the whirlpool to help. (Ha. I just typed whirlPOOP.) LOLOL!!
    So….I’m calling AC this morning, and told my aunt I would be, so she doesn’t get herself (or me) in trouble. (I know she’s lying, because her story is already changing.) I told her I wouldn’t go to jail with her.

    And I just sat and listened to my mother (for an HOUR) and said gee, maybe you should stay home/dixiblog/domains/ and take care of yourself. (She just had surgery.) Which she agreed to.
    But, by God, I’m not jumping in and fixing anything. Encouragement and perspective, you bet.

    I have to see everyone around me as fully capable of taking care of themselves until they ask for help. And then helping only if I’m able to.
    Thanks, Dixie!!!!

      1. You are absolutely right, Dixie. I’m sure right now the family doesn’t see it that way – but they do not need the energy of someone seeing them as “needing” help.
        I know I’m a lot lighter!!!

  2. Mothering taught me exactly what unconditional love is. That doesn’t mean that I’m blind to my children’s mistakes. That doesn’t mean that I will always be the hero to swoop in and save the day. That doesn’t mean that I will always have all the right answers or never argue or disagree with them. What it means is inspite of myself and inspite of theirselves love survives. Even at their most despicable..I still love them. Even at MY most despicable..I still love them. There is a stability in that, for me.
    :moon: :moon:

  3. Hi, Dixie. I’m not a mom, so I can’t identify with those lessons. However, I still identify with many of the things you point out in this post, especially “Encouragement and perspective are often more valuable than solutions.” That’s very true.

    It’s a beautiful card today, but I looked at it a long time before reading the post and it made me a little nuts, too. What were they thinking? Just add two more cups already! It’s a pretty card, though, and quite evocative.

    Have a lovely weekend, Dixie, and a happy Equinox.

    1. You know, I’ve met a lot of “mothers” that don’t have biological children. The nurturing energy is the same, from what I can tell.

      Glad I’m not the only one who was bothered by the cups. Haha! Although I do like Joanna’s take below on that. My Virgo still cringed a bit.

      Happy Equinox to you, too, cj!

  4. :cat: Good morning Dixie! I love the feeling of this card. It indeed has 6 cups, in different forms. Our hands are cups and in this rendering, they are blessing and releasing what needs to be released in love. It is comforting to know that what is being released is going into a gentle stream, not clinging the to shore, and not a torrent of swirling danger, but a gentle current supported and surrounded with the green love!!
    We are all children of Spirit, and we were all released into the gentle spirit of Mother Earth. And we are all trusted with the gift of choice to live as fully as we can. And we all can be in that gentle stream.
    Each cup started in the protective “womb” of hands and was released in a whole self-contained vessel to “Go Forth” and shine. The hands are not trying to grab them back! They are blessing and releasing. Letting the light shine.
    I thank you every day for your messages. They speak to me deeply.

    1. Ahhh! The hands as Cups. Okay, I feel a little better about the card now. And you have a lovely spin on the interpretation that flows very well with my thoughts. Thanks for your contributions!

      And thanks for your comments about my work. Much appreciated.

  5. Dixie, you have NO idea how much this card means today. For me this is about parenting our children, 1 in HS & 1 in college, AND my mother simultaneously. OMG how those worlds collide & last night it was not pretty.

    Recent mothering my children revelation: I’ve tried so hard NOT to emulate certain behaviors my mother displayed and I recently discovered while trying to avoid this I abdicated my role in specific situations with my children, especially my son. I won’t even start on the parenting foibles with my daughter – geesh! “Transitional Phase” – REALLY?

    Recent mothering my mother revelation: Mirror, Mirror on the wall I am my mother after all

    My favorite mothering statements:
    – The easiest part about having children is being pregnant
    – Your guilt gene goes into overdrive when you have children
    – I know why some animals eat their young!

    GREAT STUFF DIXIE!! I hope all is well with your family

    1. CancerMom, I can very much relate to what you’re saying here and the worlds melding together. Especially since you’re mothering several people who probably sometimes want it and other times, run the other way! And you have no warning which you’re gonna get.

      Doing fine, thank you. to you and yours as well!

  6. Yes, I’m parenting my mom and my kid, and they pull me in all directions.

    Thanks, Dixie… I’ll try to continue to give purely with love.

  7. Those of you parenting your parents – my heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine doing what I did in my 20s for my mother while trying to keep my children on track. Bless you, all of you. I pray daily for all who are caught in that middle land. All we can do – in any case! – is love.

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