I was a little crazed, to be blunt. Tearful and irrational. to the point that whatever was coming out of my mouth only half made sense. I knew I was overly upset but couldn’t let it go; I was up all night alternating between sobbing and anger and painstakingly trying to document that I was a decent human being. Seriously, that’s was my goal. To prove that I was a decent person.
It took my husband plainly pointing it out to me, “This is NOT you” for it to begin to sink in, how far over the top I was.
I already knew it mattered to me a lot more than I would have expected but in the midst, I hadn’t questioned it until he said something. Why did I care enough to make myself sick over it? It’s one thing be disturbed when someone you respect thinks ill of you. It’s entirely another thing altogether to feel like you’re dying inside over it.
That’s when I realized exactly how much I’d been triggered. This stuff can sneak up on you.
Reversed Temperance paired with the Page of Cups suggests the process for emotional integration of “old news” is perhaps underway but not free flowing, and at least some aspects of fitting that life experience into your worldview is young and not well-developed.
Certain experiences don’t just melt away. They may take many years—and a whole lot of work!—to integrate. There may always be a sting, an emotional limp of sorts. Being aware helps. It’s easy enough to brush off pain sometimes, try to “walk it off,” blame on on something else or otherwise dismiss it as yesterday’s news, without properly healing the underlying injury. Who wouldn’t prefer anesthesia to the wide-awake surgery, you know?
The message today is be aware of your triggers. If you find yourself significantly out of balance or out of sorts, more than you would expect from the external circumstance, that’s your cue. “What am I really bothered by? What does this remind me of?” That clues you where the pain is really coming from, and hence, how you can best manage it. Hint: recreating the situation in another venue pretty much never works. Facing the origin of the pain usually does help, though.
You have some triggers, too?
|Morgan-Greer Tarot Deck |
by Bill Greer & Lloyd Morgan
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