How much does what other people think of you matter to you?
I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinions of himself than on the opinions of others. –Marcus Aurelius
This issue has been on my radar. It’s wonderful to feel appreciated and understood. It’s validating. It just feels damn good! But when you’re not feeling that, how much adjustment are you willing to undergo? Do you really think you can do enough head-standing and back-flipping to please someone else?
Not to mention, that’s a job I don’t want! Let’s say I was able to contort myself enough to keep another happy for the sake of argument. Well, yippee for me. All that means is I’ve signed on to a job of being someone I’m not to obtain approval that feels disingenuous from the start because it is! It’s not who I am, it’s pretend. The very premise is disempowering to both parties.
It says to the other, “You are not able to produce your own happiness without my performance.”
It says to me, “It’s not okay to be fully myself. I must hide and contort and sacrifice my identity. Any acceptance I find this way is hollow because it’s based on a projection.”
There are no winners in this scenario.
I would argue that it’s not ever my business what someone else thinks about me, and furthermore, it’s never about me. Never. Any individual’s point of perception is about themselves, where they are, how they look at the world. They can like what they see looking at me or not like what they see, but the liking or not liking is always about the person who is liking or not liking.
We stagger through life sometimes, not only looking to create a long list of what’s definitively “right and wrong,” but much worse, we undertake the impossible task of trying to force others to subscribe to our lists of good and evil. That is a pointless endeavor if ever there was one.
This week? Don’t try to assert your list onto others. Your list of what works for you or what doesn’t is for YOU and you alone. Withdraw your attention from anyone who is trying to assert their list unto you. Just be true to yourself, as purely as you can. Strictly speaking? This is advice for always. But I’m thinking it may come into play this week.
With several reversals, I’m expecting slow progress and potential for frustrations and delays. With Uranus–the planet of big surprises and freedom going retrograde–this isn’t a big surprise. The week goes smoother if you know things will just take time and remain ready to roll with the flow.
Monday, The Star rx: Make a conscious decision to reach for optimism–folks are having trouble holding on to it and it really is healing and helpful.
Tuesday, Four of Pentacles: Stable, solid day. Anxiety is possible, but pointless. Expect stability and “no change” today. Relax into it as much as you can.
Wednesday, Seven of Swords: An excellent time to keep your own counsel. Operate under the radar and draw no attention to what you’ve got going on.
Thursday, The World rx: I don’t know about you, but I’ve been taking regular “news breaks.” Not breaks to watch news. Breaks as in avoiding news, limiting news. There’s a lot of jarring energy out there and it serves us well to limit how much we consume at a given time.
Friday, Page of Pentacles rx: Book light today, as energy may be a bit depleted after the week. Y’all know I’m a big fan of naps! Self-care, quiet time, and a lighter-than-normal schedule are all very soothing and helpful.
Saturday, Five of Wands rx: Step back from the conflict and don’t make it your own. Look for points of agreement instead of differences. There are plenty of both, but far too few people focusing on the agreements and far too many focusing on contention.
Sunday, King of Swords rx: Incomplete information; don’t be quick to cut out options. Take it slow and wait for facts to emerge. A great day to look for what you want and like, softly, and ignore what you don’t, completely.
Overview/Advice: Three of Swords rx: We feel what we feel, and there is nothing wrong with whatever we feel. But we also decide, courtesy of our focus, where our emotional setpoint lies. If you’ve got heartache or tears, fair enough. I would never suggest you deny any emotions. They provide valuable guidance. I would, however, suggest not wallowing, not milking the pain–Scorpio moons, I’m looking at you! Feel whatever you feel, and release. Feel and release. Then turn your focus on what lifts you up. Because you know what? We can all benefit from uplifting. Tip: If you get less specific about thoughts that bother you (and more specific on thoughts you enjoy), you’ll feel better pretty quickly.
Affirmation: Worrying about illness can create more illness. To make this more widely applicable–there is not a damn problem in the history of humanity that’s been solved by worrying hard enough. As a super Virgo, I can state this as a fact. So why do that to ourselves?
What worrying does is amplify the subjective experience of what’s unwanted by activating it in our vibrations, consciousness, our emotional bodies. Of course I see plenty wrong in the world–and I see plenty right. When I see hate, I can hate the hate (thus adding to the sum total of hate) and draw attention to it (thus giving it more airplay and momentum). Or I can decide I’d rather see love and embody that love, thus adding to the sum total of love. If enough do this, you get a collective tipping point where love overpowers the hate. Every subject has both poles–what you want surrounding it and what you don’t. Rather than adding energetic support to what I don’t want, I’m going to embody what I do want. Feels a lot better and does some good at the same time. I don’t freak out about worry. I just look to notice it and release it: not by “not thinking about it,” but by crowding out those worry thoughts with the more empowering thoughts of what I do want instead.