“Because you’re not what I would have you be, I blind myself to who, in truth, you are.’ Madeleine L’Engle
We’ve got the Four of Cups (Moon in Cancer)—the man is dressed in leaves, suggesting a cycle of active growth. Yellow, as the sky is here, often symbolizes intellectual or mental understanding, although since we’re in the suit of cups, we know the outcomes he considers have emotional significance for him. The three full cups on the ground show what he already has, while the other, offered ethereally, shows an outcome that’s captured his attention, not yet materialized.
I often see the Four of Cups when one is dissatisfied with life, looking for something very different from what they have. It can also indicate you’re missing what’s right under your nose, not appreciating what you’ve already got, or just full-on dreaming something up.
People see what they’re ready to see, when they’re ready to see it. Nothing more, nothing less. So very much is perspective, informing emotional response and flavoring experience.
That’s how you can live something, clear as crystal plain as day in front of you, and not understand it until 20 years later. Because that’s how long it took me, to figure out what happened.
I was 19. One of my father’s friends was there, banging on the door of my beat-up, trailer. I was dressed for bed, because I worked nights.
I desperately wanted him to go away. I was in horrible pain at the time, and he knew it. He was one of the ones deciding my fate.
He kept banging. So eventually, I poked my head out the door, trying to hide my thighs. I didn’t want to completely alienate him—but I did want him to leave.
So I tried to get him to leave. At first, politely. He kept pushing. He insisted I talk to him, insisted I let him in. I said no, still trying to be polite.
He physically pushed past me, into my house. I was stunned! He wasn’t even supposed to be visiting me alone—I knew protocol, and this wasn’t it. But to push his way in when I said no? When I wasn’t fully dressed? Really?
“You need to go! I’m not even dressed. You need to go!! You need to leave.”
Talking, talking, he just kept talking. Louder, he said I had to listen to him, I had no choice.
“No, I don’t HAVE to do anything!! We are NOT having a conversation! Get out of my house! You need to leave now!”
He wouldn’t shut up and he wouldn’t leave.
“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!”
In between the arguing, he wasn’t budging. I just snapped, and started hysterically screaming at the top of my lungs.
“GET THE F**K OUT OF MY HOUSE! NOW! NOW! NOW!! GET THE F**K OUT OF MY HOUSE! GET THE F**K OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!”
He left. I don’t think it went down quite like he’d planned.
Now, I’m thinking most people hearing this story have a pretty good idea of what was going down.
Me? It took me literally TWENTY YEARS to realize it. I am not a stupid person, either.
And that, my friends, is a very long Four of Cups/How-could-I-have-been-so-blind? moment. It took me twenty years to be ready to see what was right in front of my face.
Have you had some of those “How-could-I-have-been-so-blind?” moments?
|Morgan-Greer Tarot Deck |
by Bill Greer & Lloyd Morgan
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