You know, if you read the kind of stuff I write about here, you’d think I have little to no filter sometimes. But that’s not true. I only share bits and pieces of what goes on in my head. It’s been a very gradual process, becoming more comfortable with both defining and sharing my own truth.
What have you not finished mourning? What have you said you’re “over” that you’re not? The reversed Five of Cups and the reversed Knight of Wands wants to know.It’s getting in the way of doing what you want to do now.
I’ve talked some about this feeling I’ve had for a while, being “out of the woo-woo closet” is eventually going to cost the already beleaguered family connections I have left. (Translation: Ending the occasional calls or visits with my aging parents.) I believe this and feel like I’ve gotten a gradual heads-up to allow me to prepare for it. I tell myself I’m over my brothers booting me from their lives so many years ago and in a lot of ways, that’s accurate. It’s not a daily thought anymore. But it’s still there, some things don’t go away. I know from the work I’ve done with others as well my own experience, the odd ways these old hurts sometimes express. Even very old emotional injury can impact everyday life in unexpected ways and you may have no idea the source.
My old “issue” if you want to call it that, boils down to the question of conditional love. Namely family, friends, partners, even God only loves those who do what is deemed “right.” It colors my perceptions at times in ways I’m barely conscious of, if at all. The concept of being deserving of love regardless of ideology is one that many would profess, but precious few live by. Ironically, most who aren’t seem to have no idea whatsoever.
Because, you know, it’s that OTHER GUY that’s unloving, unkind, un-evolved and unenlightened. It’s the other one who is not acting appropriately, who deserves the blame and shame. Right?
And this is the wound that gets fired up for me when I see my political beliefs attributed to ignorance or hatred, or when I see my spiritual beliefs belittled and vilified, or when I see my choices or lifestyle condemned. It leaves me shrinking back, hesitating, feeling less than and lowering my voice. It makes me want to hide like I have, so much of my life. It is my forgotten wound.
I will pour a little love on it in hopes of healing. Without self-love, other love can never register.
Do you have an old wound that could use some care?
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Thanks for sharing, probably many people will relate, I know I do. (((<3)))
Sorry you can relate, Beth.
“Do you have an old wound that could use some care?”
Several. (And one is rather similar to the one you’ve related above about spiritual beliefs. “Birds of a feather flock together” I guess.) I’m still trying to figure out how to heal and let it go. I just keep on keepin’ on, doing the best I know how, and trying to keep light and love in my life and extend it out to others. And maybe one day it’ll all work itself out. I keep hoping!
I think I will be writing more about this…
“Forgotten Wounds” is the theme of my life today, and involves my mom and my sister. I got knocked around a little more in the midst of a crisis, while I’m just trying to help out as well as I can.
You never cease to amaze!
Let’s pour on the love…
Protect yourself, sofie. They won’t do that for you.
I have several from the past, and something out there apparently thought that I needed restocking, with several more. (“a little more salt here, please. she hasn’t had quite enough yet.”)