“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.” Khalil Gibran
The unthinkable had happened, and I was stunned. Shocked, numb and overwhelmed. I started shaking and crying and knew, somehow, it had to all be a mistake. How could there be a God, when I’d prayed so long and hard, and more than that, KNEW I was right, that I wanted only good and had done my best to do my part? I didn’t accept it. It simply couldn’t’ stand. That was it. And to Hell with God! I was done praying and considering myself agnostic. I’d show God: I declared myself an atheist!
This was my Saturn return—losing custody—and although I’ve had other challenging experiences since, it stands out as one of those snapshots in time when I’ve been hit with more pain than I knew how to handle. I opted for the 2-for-1 combo package of rage and denial to get me through the worst of it. I’d be a liar if I said that whole gig didn’t last long. To give you an idea, I kept a grocery sack full of Christmas presents sitting in the back of the closet for FIVE YEARS.
Maybe you’re a quicker learner than me. I sure hope so.
Today’s Tarot is the inverted Page of Wands (Earth in Fire) and the inverted Five of Cups (Mars in Scorpio). Sometimes, it’s easy enough to immerse yourself in a frenzy of activity and distraction to avoid feeling the pain of losses. Don’t. I’m not saying don’t give yourself occasional breaks from despair. I’m saying don’t bury it under a huge to-do list. The longer you refuse to look, the more control it has taken unconsciously.
Sometimes, you’ve just got to cry your tears before you can take note of the cups are still standing. Accept where your at and meet it with whatever faith you can muster there is a higher vision, even if you can’t see it. Otherwise, refusing to see is going to bury (Scorpio) that battle (Mars). That’s when pain begins to drive your life without you noticing, and that’s not where we want to be.
Instead, why not work through (Mars) the darkness (Scorpio)? If you voice your anger (Mars) and mourn what’s dead (Scorpio), you’re discharging the energy. Feeling it all is no fun I’ll grant you, but it’s a whole lot easier than keeping it under wraps. Then, life becomes much easier to build, with a clearer understanding, a solid foundation and all your faculties intact. You’ve got the energy to walk your own path, no longer need it for obscuring the hurt. It just becomes part of your larger understanding. And if you’re lucky, maybe you can use that insight someday to help others. I sure hope so.
How do you handle pain? Face, bury, or somewhere in between?
|Tarot of the New Vision (English/Spanish) |
by Lo Scarabeo
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