“Thanks Dixie, for this opportunity! I do have a burning question today…..
How do I deal with my mom and my sister?????
They make me do most of the work, and get treated like the outsider. My mom has ALWAYS favored her. I have been the good kid, and she played the role of black sheep, and yet gets more respect. My sister drinks daily, and has a pattern of manipulating and lying. I’m the older one, it’s just us two girls, but I’ve always thought we were living out the prodigal son story.
We are brought together now by circumstances, to work together in this situation, the three of us, plus my mom’s sister. I feel like I have to keep quiet, and be treated as if I have no credibility or any say in anything. She calls my mom and influences her to get everything done her way, which results in more work for me, and less for her.
They both claim that I have more free time and should do more, but my sister does the bare minimum and yet has the maximum control. She claims to be busy, and then sits at home smoking and drinking, but my mom believes her. I have put in hundreds of hours over the past couple months, and my own home and family have suffered from it.
I don’t like feeling this resentment, and I have managed to avoid it over the years by living my own life and having my own success.
I don’t know enough astrology to interpret this, but I saw that Saturn is transiting my 3rd house, which relates to siblings. I have very early memories from when we were babies, and my mom would hold her and ignore me. Others have noticed this as well. My mom has always been pretty obvious about it. Sometimes I feel that I was put here to teach them how to act decently, through example, and I had a dream about that once.
So how do I now fulfill my family obligations, with love, not resentment? They are seemingly making it impossible for me to stay in this situation with peace and self-respect, or respect for them. But I can’t walk away… this is a true obligation.
I tried to “pour love on it” but the negative seeps in as well. I want to uplift this situation, and make it the best it can be. I want to act with the highest INTEGRITY AND KINDNESS, yet I’m being pushed pretty hard, and spoken to with anger and sarcasm.
Did I mention this was a burning question? Sorry it’s so long!!!” -FeellikeCinderella…
Not fun, Cinderella! Don’t worry about the length. Sounds like you’ve been feeling left out for a long time now…Listen to the audio for the full reading, summary below.
We’re looking at choice, making versus abdicating choice. There is push-back here, but it seems you’re the only one who lets yourself get pushed. You’ve got a season’s pass on the Guilt Trip Express, lady! I am not surprised you are feeling resentful. I would be, too!
You need to take your choice back. Note: it’s not the choice over WHO does what–that’s not yours!–it’s the choice over what YOU can comfortably do. There is a big difference. You’re getting caught up in a need for consensus here. In the threesome of you, Mom and Sis, the two of them will always pick you as the labor force. Given.
Hey, you’re the black sheep already, right? So why be the black sheep who has to do all the work, too? Why not be the happier, well-rested black sheep who doesn’t feel like crap for checking out on her own home and the people who feed her? You’re pouring all your emotional resources down a bottomless pit, and keep waiting for it to be topped off.
I’m not saying don’t contribute. You wouldn’t feel good about that. I’m saying LIMIT you contributions to what you can reasonably afford. Your responsibility is NOT everything heaped upon you. It is what you can feel good about, do with love and without resentment. Then let Sis and Mom decide for themselves who does what outside that. You give ONLY what you can without resentment. No more. Let the others judge it how they will; that’s there issue. You run your life by your own yardstick and no one else’s. Handle the situation the same you’d hope to see a child of yours handle it if they were faced with similar. Martyr isn’t the best option.
Saturn in the 3rd, the timing is perfect. As in, setting boundaries (Saturn) with siblings (3rd), perhaps limiting (Saturn) communication (3rd). It will be work, because Saturn always demands that, as well as integrity. But the work gives you mastery (Saturn) over the situation.
Take your choice back. Don’t allow your sense of obligation be determined by others. The example you set is one of appropriate boundaries. You officially have permission to say, “No.” It’s hard at first but gets easier and it sure feels good.
Hope that helps. Much love!! ♥
I just read two of the mini-readings, and listened to one, and I gotta say… this is sooo much better than Dear Abbey! You know how there are all these Dr. Lauras and advice givers out there? Well… whenever I happen to hear bits of many of those, I feel for those involved. I guess they get what they need to hear — maybe a reflection of their own beliefs or something — but sometimes the guidance seems pretty archaic or narrow-minded. I really like the advice and reflection given here, and even though the questions are not mine, I find the answers very useful, insightful and helpful!
(Go team!)
Thank you, Lilly. These were fun to do and I’ve gotten good feedback from the folks so far. So I wouldn’t be surprised if I ended up doing some more of ’em.